Lab Results

The lab results are in, and they have good and bad news. The good news is that the quantitative HCG level is right where it should be for how far along I am. The bad news is that my progesterone is only 14.3, when it should be in the high 20's. This means more progesterone shots twice a week, and more levels drawn every two weeks during the "trough" - the time when the progesterone has wore off, right before I get another shot. So it's treatable, but not in a simple way, and I am really achey for the rest of the day when I get the shot.

I am looking forward to being able to hear the heartbeat, but at least I have the reassurance that baby is okay. The HCG level tells us that jellybean is growing, and I haven't been very tired or felt nauseated at all except for some brief and vague queasiness on occasion.

(Sorry Tanya.)

More Shots

When I lived with Allison, she used to scold me for not going to regular doctor's appointments. Here's my confession: I think the last time I had a physical was when I was required to get one to start working at the shelter. That would have been in 1999. I know. It's very irresponsible. And I know that Alli was right when she said that I should to get one to have a base line in case anything went wrong. All of that is good advice, but I still dreaded going to the doctors and only went when I could not take care of whatever issue I had by researching it online, or talking with my sister or brother and figuring out if getting the treatment would be worth going through the hassle.

I'm not afraid of doctors. I just haven't had a really good doctor since I became an adult. Seriously, if I could still see my pediatrician I would have continued to go to him. But most doctors I've had, they haven't really seemed too concerned about actually trying to help me get better (for example: my migraines).

So yesterday had me at the end of my rope with doctors. On Monday evening I had spoken with a doctor in MA whom my mom had recommended, who has gone through the Creighton program and uses naprotechnology. He said that he was concerned that my first level of progesterone was very low, and he wanted me to get another level drawn right away (not the 1 week waiting period my PCP had written the order for) and he wanted to have another HCG level done, to make sure that the pregnancy was actually progressing. He said these are pretty basic levels and most PCPs are willing to have them done.

So I called my doctor's office and unfortunately he is on vacation this week. I explained everything to the nurse, and she spoke with the doctor who's filling in for him. When she called back, I was surprised to learn that they wouldn't order the levels, because "what happens if it comes back as abnormal? Then what do we do?" So I called back the napro doctor and he said that he would take that on, do the lab orders and the scripts and that all seemed fine.

Until I got to the lab after work yesterday and they hadn't received the faxed lab order. Now, I was supposed to do another shot last night, so I needed to have the blood drawn before the shot to make sure it's accurate. They can't do the blood draw without the order, and it was after office hours, so they requested to have the napro doctor paged. Another doctor was covering for him, though, and when he called in, he was extremely unhelpful. He told the lab tech that I've already had the level done, and that it didn't make any sense because I haven't even come in for an appointment. The lab tech tried to explain for me that it was for the naprotechnology, and there isn't a napro doctor in NH to do this, and at that point the on-call shut her down and flat out refused to give the orders.

So here's where I highly praise the staff at Elliot Laboratory, because she didn't give up. While I was calling my mom and asking her what I should do - do I still do the shot or do I wait until I can get the levels drawn? - she called her supervisor, and then called a floor supervisor and got permission to draw the blood without the order. And so they will contact the doctor today and work all of that out to actually run the test.

In the end I got the level done, so I should be happy, right? But the fact is, these are really basic levels. They are checked when a woman has a history of miscarriage or when she has a history of infertility, so it's not like I'm asking for some weird test that they won't know how to interpret. And I have a doctor who is willing to take care of the treatment based on the results. But because the obligation to treat an abnormal result falls ultimately on the doctor who ordered the test, I had to beg for someone to write the order. Neither of those doctors, by the way, were willing to consult with the napro doctor, who is more than willing to explain how all of this works if someone would just ask him about it.

And now I'm waiting for the results, because ultimately the concern is that if we're treating this with progesterone and the baby isn't growing, then it would prevent the natural miscarriage which would occur. Which is just grotesque and scary. My mom assures me that she is not worried that the baby isn't alive or growing, but I can't put my fears at rest that easily. Hopefully I'll know by the end of the day today.

Boston Children's Museum

This past Saturday, we took Gabriel and Isaac to the Boston Children's Museum. This was a long over-due trip for Gabe's birthday, since he is Matt's godson. We told him he could choose one person to come with us, and he chose his brother (we were kind of expecting him to choose Kelsey). Mike, Tanya, Keira, and Israel joined us for the day.

Which was absolutely gorgeous, BTW. We had a great lunch outside, and really enjoyed the whole day!

Those are just a few of the 200 pictures we took. If you want to see a few more of them, you'll find them here:

Boston Children's Museum

Pregnancy Tickers

I am sitting on a hot compress right now. My progesterone test came back on the low side, and so my brother dropped by this evening to give me a progesterone shot to help boost my levels and hopefully jump-start the corpus luteum so that I will produce enough progesterone on my own. If it doesn't work, then Matt gets the honor of giving me shots when I need them to supplement what I'm producing. Unfortunately it comes in an oil base that has to be injected into the muscle, and it's very achey and uncomfortable. I really hope this doesn't become routine.

I've been surfing pregnancy websites, and noticing all the interesting "pregnancy tickers" that are out there. I have to say, there really are some neat ones. Like this one:



Make a pregnancy ticker

And the ones which I have along the bottom and on the side of this blog.

Looking at these, I realized what a schizophrenic world we live in. When we want to be pregnant and have a baby, then all the amazing details of fetal development are described and we can see pictures of what they look like. But when it's a matter of "choice," when a woman doesn't want to have the baby, then we definitely do not want to have any of this information out there. The pro-lifers who publish these same images are being tasteless and manipulative.

How can we be that dishonest with ourselves? How can we be so willfully ignorant and blind? I don't really have a more developed line of thought about this right now, but it just struck me so strongly looking at these tickers. So I guess I am glad that these tickers are out there. I suppose the best we can do is pray that things like this can be instruments that witness to the amazing dignity of human life.

Also, today Matt referred to the baby as jellybean. I win.

Fancy-ish Cooking

Now that all the redecorating is done, I finally was able to get onto the projects I really enjoy. I love to cook, and the more complicate and challenging, usually the better. So I decided to try my hand at making macarons.

Macarons are technically challenging cookies composed of ground almonds, sugar, egg whites and flavoring. They are difficult to make because they involve a few different techniques and they tend to be sensitive to things like overbeating, humidity, cooking times, etc. I was prepared to have this first attempt be more of a learning experience than anything else, but I was pleasantly surprised to have them turn out perfectly on the first try.

I decided to make espresso flavored macarons with Nutella filling. Really, any time I can find a way to work in Nutella, it's a good recipe. I was happy to find the ground almond flour in the natural foods section of the local grocery store, and I had instant espresso powder left over from the perfect coffee ice cream last year. I'd done a ton of research on various recipes, and I wound up using this one from Tartlette, mainly because the measurements were given in weight, unlike other recipes I'd seen which gave them in volume. Since macarons are a careful balance, I figured that the weight measures would help to make it more precise.

Funny thing about these macarons is, they kind of look like hamburgers once they're filled. I made them for a cookout we're having today, so it's kind of appropriate. I made the macarons according to the instructions, piping them in 2cm discs on the parchment. I guess I thought they'd spread more. But they didn't, which means these little babies can be popped into your mouth in just one bite. I mentioned to Matt that I will make them larger next time, but he disagreed, saying they were perfect the size they were.

Last night I also made quiche for dinner, because I had those egg yolks leftover from the macarons. Matt's not a big fan of quiche, but every once it while I make it because I love quiche. I started with a recipe from another food blog, but by the time I was done I wound up making so many tweeks that it's not really that recipe any more.

Quiche with Spinach, Asparagus, Red Pepper, and Bacon

1 ready to bake pastry crust

4 slices of bacon

10 asparagus spears, trimmed and cut into 1/2 inch pieces

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

1 small onion, diced

4 oz baby spinach

1/4 tsp thyme

3 eggs + 2 egg yolks

1/2 cup milk

2 tbsp sour cream

dash nutmeg

1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

Salt & pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350. Place crust in pie pan and refrigerate. Cook bacon in a saute pan over medium heat until crisp and fat is rendered. Remove from pan and place on paper towels to drain. Add asparagus, bell pepper, and onion to pan with bacon fat and saute until onion turns translucent. Add spinach and thyme and saute until spinach wilts. Set pan aside and allow mixture to cool thoroughly. In a separate mixing bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients. Crumble the bacon and scatter on crust. Add the vegetable mixture. Pour egg mixture over the vegetables, using a wooden spoon to completely cover the vegetables with the eggs. Bake for 40-50 minutes, until custard is completely set. Allow to cool 10 minutes before slicing.

Hall and Living Room: Before and After

Yeah, it kind of emphasizes the ugly floor. Guess what the next project is gonna be?

Becoming a mother...

I had my first prenatal appointment yesterday morning. As should be obvious from the newly installed pregnancy tickers (There's one on the bottom, too. It was too long to put in the side column). The official due date is Dec 9, so I guess the possibility of having this kid on a Marian feast is not outside of the realm of possibility.

First of all, I have to say that I am already 1000% happier with this doctor's office than I have been with my prior doctor. You may recall that I've complained about my doctor previously, and I've been meaning to change doctors but hadn't gotten around to it yet. The pregnancy kind of gave me the kick in the butt to get it done and I really wish I'd done it before. So I went with Matt's doctor, who is also the doctor who took care of Therese and delivered Ileana. The first appointment was with one of the nurses who assist with prenatal care, and she was fantastic. She gave us plenty of information, answered all kinds of questions, and gave us a full picture of what the next 8 months or so will be like. She also explained exactly what will happen at the next appointment (which will include a full physical, something I am ashamed to admit I haven't had in years) and really emphasized that we should call if there were any concerns or questions between now and then.

It was also great that when I began explaining about NFP, she was very interested in it and wanted to know more about how to get her daughter in touch with a practitioner to help with infertility. The only reason I brought it up was because my mom, freely admitting that she was being an overprotective grandmother, asked me to ask for a progesterone level when they do my blood work. When I explained to the nurse why my mom was asking for that, and what my mom does, she said that she really admired us and my mom for using NFP. It was nice to know that she was supportive of this, and I really feel so much better already with this office.

I would have posted this yesterday, but I spent pretty much all day taping off and priming the hall and living room. This was the ultimately frustating and tedious process, because according to the research I'd done online, and asking my aunt who did this in her house, every groove in the paneling needed to be cut in with a brush. By the time Matt called me when he was on his way home from work, I was cranky and annoyed and it didn't help when he said "I just don't understand why it's taking you this long." For the record, he wasn't being a jerk, he was just honestly floored when I told him how long I'd been working on it. 7 hours, also for the record.

But to his credit, he did take the brush out of my hand when he came home and sent me into the kitchen to cook dinner. That might sound like a terribly chauvenist thing to do, but he knows that cooking for me is relaxing, so he couldn't have done better. And he arranged his schedule so that he was only doing two stores today, and then he helped me to paint the first coat when he was done. I'll post before and after pictures when I finish the second coat and clean up a bit tomorrow.

One More Thing

My older sister Julie commented on my Bunkered Down post that I should explain why she does for a living and why she says she's done with my father. I agree, in fairness to her, that it warrants an explanation.

Julie's a nurse, and has worked in a hospital in critical care for a long time. She has seen many many alcoholic and drug addicted patients essentially commit a slow, painful, and ugly suicide because of their addictions. She knows exactly what late stage liver disease, brain damage, and heart damage looks like in an alcoholic. She has said she's done because she will not watch my father go through that.

When I said I didn't want to be like her, I hadn't thought about how it could sound like I was judging her and saying she was making the wrong decision. I don't want to be like her because I still want to believe that my father will stop drinking. I want to believe that every single day he will stop drinking and continue to stop drinking, even when things are difficult. I need to hang on to the hope that he will be healed by God. If I were to say that I'm done, for me it would mean that I no longer believe that God will heal my father.

Julie is being far more realistic, I know. It's a discouragingly small percentage of alcoholics who get sober and remain sober. And maybe the fact that I don't want to think about that is my own form of denial. But hopefully that explains what meant a little better.

Odds and Ends

Here's the critter who's been digging up our yard. Apologies for the fuzziness of the pictures, but I was taking them through a screen window. I figured if I went out side to take them he would run away. (wait, don't I want him to run away?) Anyway, I watched him frolic around the yard, digging little holes and pulling out acorns and other seeds that either fell there last fall or were buried there by him or one of his buddies. A little googling has helped me learn that the best solution is granulated predator urine. It's available in wolf, coyote, and a few other dangerous creatures. you shake it around the perimeter of the yard and flower beds and critters like skunk and squirrels stay away. I am definitely getting some for when I put in the vegetable garden.

With this week off from work, I have a few projects in the works. The biggest one is painting the front hall and living room. Goodbye ugly grey panelling! By the end of the week, the hall will be a medium blue (Behr's Ocean View) and the living room a pale blue-green with a touch of grey in it (Behr's Rhythmic Blue). Last night Matt helped me sand the hallway, and today while he's working, I'll be sanding the living room and (hopefully) getting a coat of primer on the walls. Luckily since the blues are in the same range, I only needed to get one can of tinted primer. I looked into getting a low-VOC paint but apparently they aren't as reliable on surfaces like panelling, so instead I got a snazzy respirator to breathe through which will filter out the fumes, and I'll be using the ceiling fans and the big industrial fan we have to make sure we have plenty of circulation.

I used the respirator last night while we were sanding. It's less than comfortable. It pinches your nose shut a little, so you have to breathe through your mouth, and the chin part puts tension on the jaw, so you actually have to hold your mouth open against resistance. Unfortunately I have a problem with TMJ, so that leads to a very sore jaw after a few hours of breathing in this thing.




The reason I'm doing it, however:

We found out on the Monday after Easter, and Matt has refused to let me refer to it as the jelly bean, but in my head it's evolved to "little bean." According to the online calculators, it should arrive sometime around the Immaculate Conception, but I still have to meet with Anne Marie to get a better estimated due date.

What a Pretty Truck!

As you can see, the magnetized butterflies were put to good use...

So were the silk flowers, unicorn decals, and other very pretty accessories.

Busy Crazy Weekend

Our friends Mike and Carly are getting married today, so last night started our crazy busy weekend. Today we're helping them set up the reception hall, and then the wedding itself tonight. Then tomorrow is the music group's gig at Grace Chapel in Lexington -- an all day woman's conference. Sunday we have church, then we're going to try to get down to my parent's house to help paint and get the house ready to put on the market, and we're wrapping up the night with the Life Teen Bowl-A-Thon. It's almost enough to feel like work is more relaxing.... but nah. Besides, my week of vacation starts today.

So what in the world could have had me hot gluing butterflies to magnets last night at 11 PM? Guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out.

Easter

The problem with hosting Easter is that you think you've taken way more pictures than you did. And you think the ones you took were more in focus than they turned out to be. Bummer.

Argh! Pie Fail!

All I have to say is, Cook's Illustrated lied to me.

They told me that if I whipped a cornstarch mixture into my egg whites and baked the pie at a lower temperature for 20 minutes, I wouldn't have weeping from my meringue. So I dutifully followed their instructions, only to be horrified to discover that my pie hadn't just been weeping, it had been positively sobbing all night long.


My poor, sad, inconsolable pie, with your deflated top and beads of carmelized sugar water. What am I to do with you now?