Yet again typing with a cat in my lap. Sam is awfully snuggly in the mornings! The soy "ice cream" turned out okay. It didn't really freeze in the ice cream maker, but we put it in the freezer and it turned out to be kind of italian ice in consistency. With oreos. And it was extra sweet because I didn't realize we started with vanilla soy, not regular soy, and we put sugar in it like it was regular soy. It didn't keep people from eating it, though.
So, chapter 2 of Captivating. The chapter discusses the creation of Eve, and how we can know some of what God is like by what qualities a woman has. First and foremost, Eve was created last. John and Stasi make this point because all of the creation story goes from big and simple to small and intricate. Therefore, when God creates Eve and then rests, he is creating the most beautiful, the "crown" of his creation. More that anything, God created women to show how beautiful he is. Eve was created to be a queen in the garden, to show and bring beauty to the world.
There are times when Matt will say something about me being his "queen," and I wasn't comfortable with it at first. I've never thought of myself as a queen, and at first it seemed almost ridiculous in the literal sense - arousing or deserving ridicule, laughable. But I am beginning to understand that he means it, means it exactly, and without a smidge of irony at all. On Sunday afternoon we made chicken tenders to bring to his parents' house for his birthday party. When we finished, we had about an hour before we needed to leave. He was tired but I wasn't. So I sat on the couch and read while he slept with his head in my lap. After about 45 minutes, I noticed his breathing had changed and looked down to find him awake and looking up at me. Half asleep, he smiled and murmured "Thank you." I gave a little laugh. "For what?" I asked. "You are so beautiful," he replied. "Just, thank you." For him, there is no need for me to be doing all the time. For him, it is enough -no, it is important- for there to be times when I am not doing anything, when I am just there for him to take in my beauty, and that makes me queenly to him.
And though I may wince to say all of this, afraid that when people read it that they will think I am sooooo vain to be writing about my beauty, I still know that it's true. And I know that I'm not talking about magazine cover beauty, but the beauty of God that I was created to reveal to those around me.
The other part of this chapter which struck me is that women were created with a desire to be pursued. This is not part of the fall. Our desire to be pursued is part of how God made us in His image, to show how God desires us to pursue him with our whole heart. I had thought that this came from our insecurity, that it was a neediness, grasping and unlovely, and ought to be overcome. But when it is under grace, a woman's desire to be pursued wholeheartedly is not from her desolation or desire to contol (more of that in the next chapter), but it is a desire to be in a faithful relationship, to be loved ardently, eternally.
This is what God desires of us as well, to be faithful to Him. "Thou shalt love the Lord your God with your whole heart, your whole mind, and you whole soul." These are the words the Jewish people were commanded to bind upon their doors, which are in those little prayer boxes that orthodox Jews wear upon their brows and their wrists. It is fundamental to our relationship with God. It's not God being needy or grasping. It is His desire to be the focus of our lives, and woman's desire to be pursued reveals that aspect of Him to the world.
Phew! What a relief to finally learn that!
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