Yesterday was my first Valentine's Day in a relationship. Well, that's not entirely true. When I was in high school, I was dating a guy who was in the Air Force Academy, and technically we we dating in February. But that year it consisted of a silly card I got in the mail a few days after Valentine's Day, and not much else, so I don't really count it.
We didn't really do anything very special. I came over in the morning and Matt was still asleep, but we seem to have gotten into a pattern on Saturday mornings where we snuggle and talk over our plans for the upcoming week and figure out what we need to get done. After that, I made muffins for breakfast while he showered and then we were off. We went to Lenscrafters and set up an appointment to get contacts for Matt, and we helped his father pick up some cabinets at his uncle's house and bring them to his parent's house. We went grocery shopping and then came home to have dinner with Allison and watch a movie. I have had a cough and took Robitussin, which on top of a glass of wine turned out to be a very bad idea; 20 minutes into the movie I was snoring.
Not really anything special, no flowers or dancing or big to-do, but so much of it was what I expect we'll do when we're married. Run errands, help his family with projects, have dinner with friends, snuggle and joke and say whatever random thing comes into our heads. At one point in the afternoon I made a teasing comment about not getting a gift or card for Valentine's Day which I think panicked Matt for a moment since he hadn't thought I was expecting anything like that. And I wasn't. I think it's important to make a big deal of birthdays and anniversaries, and to just randomly do things like make a mix CD or give flowers for no reason whatsoever (all of which Matt does) but I don't think that we need to buy into the marketing of Valentine's Day and have hurt feelings when our significant other fails to make elaborate plans and buy expensive gifts.
I can imagine a time when we have kids and it will be more important to have specific times set aside to focus on each other and show each other appreciation. That's when it will be important to have a date night the way Fr. Mark advises in every wedding homily I've heard him give. And I can imagine times when we're frustrated with each other and the last thing we want to do is to have a date night, but that's when it will be even more important to do exactly those things we eschewed this year - flowers and dressing up and grand gestures - to break us out of our daily routine and cause us to rediscover each other and find more than what is familiar and expected.
At least, that's what I think. I've never been married, so it may be that I'll re-read this and think how niaive and idealistic I was. I'm okay with that, though; If you're not going into marriage at least planning on being idealistic then maybe marriage isn't the best plan?
Happy Valentine's Day!
1 comment:
Aaron and I have never really "celebrated" St. Valentine's day. We make the effort to show our love for each other each and every day, usually in small ways and occasionally with grand gestures, like sending each other flowers (yes, I send him flowers and he secretly enjoys it). He'll leave a post it on my computer screen on days that he has to work and I don't. He'll leave them on the mirror. Nothing especially special, just I miss you or I love you, but it makes my heart skip each and every time. We don't need just one day where it's forced. The day you and Matt shared I think is far more loving and romantic.
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