I'm such a klutz

Last night I was heading out the door to shovel when I fell down the stairs. I was in the middle of texting Matt and my shoes slid on the carpet. As I fell, arms flailing to grab the bannister, a detatched part of me was watching my leg fold up in an unnatural angle beneath me and thinking as I heard a pop similar to the sound of cracking knuckles, "That's probably going to be a problem."

I don't think it's broken, but this morning it's very swollen and I really can't put weight on it for more than a few seconds. Of course, it's my right ankle, which leads to the question of driving. I don't trust that I would be able to slam on the brakes if I needed to, and even just holding down the gas pedal seems challenging to me at the moment. I am going to have to figure out an alternative to get myself to work, or get better very quickly. Either way, it probably should be examined because it's swollen and painful, and I really resent that I have to take the time to do that. My doctor's office doesn't open 'till 9, so we'll see what they recommend when they get in.

This week has been a blur of activity. I had the day off on Monday, so Matt and I went to the jeweler to choose our wedding bands. Unfortunately they were closed for the holiday, so we wound up driving home and looking at stuff online. We like the style of these two:

And we're thinking that we will get them engraved with a verse from Song of Songs inside. One will have "I am my beloved's" and the other will have "and my beloved is mine."

Tuesday we had our fourth Foccus session. One of the questions raised about readiness was the age difference between us. It was hard to talk about it, not because of the issue itself, but because to us it feels like the question has been beaten to death. We both considered it separately before we started dating, and then discussed it together after, and then had to answer the question multiple times to our family and friends. Now when someone asks, my first response is to make a joke or to minimize it, but I still hate it when people tease me with "cradle-robber" or the even more unkind "cougar." Yes, he's significantly younger than me. Yes, I worry because my age will be a factor in how quickly we have children, how many we can have... I worry that I'll be going through menopause while he is still relatively young and virile. I worry about the effect age will have on my body, my energy, my interests.

But this is something so far beyond our control, and the alternative is that we decide that it cannot work because of the age difference. I have never known anyone who understands me so well, who is such a match in interests and demeanor. I have never known anyone who cherishes me, makes me feel as loved, challenges me. And I have never loved anyone more than I have loved this man. If to other people we seem ridiculous because of the 10 years between us, then to me it is equally ridiculous that we could separate because of those 10 years.

We have one session left for Foccus. It really is a good program and I think it's led to a lot of useful discussions, prompting us to take steps like combine bank accounts and make decisions we have been meaning to get to. As I've said before, I have loved every part of the marriage prep stuff, and really been annoyed by the wedding planning stuff. I can't wait until we're done preparing and actually working on our marriage.