Almost there

Holy. Freaking. Cow. Less than two weeks left now to the wedding day. And I expect that the next 13 days will be as busy if not busier than the past week an a half or so, between organizing the apartment and putting the finishing touches on all the ceremony and reception details. This past week has been a lot about the dresses. My sisters and Alli have picked up their dresses, and there are some alterations to be made, because the tops are too small on Alli and Chris. It frustrates me so much, because they paid a lot of money for these dresses, and neither one of them have gained weight since they were measured. If anything, they've lost weight, so it really makes no sense that the tops are too small. Seriously, if this manufacturer runs small, I would have thought that the people at the dress shop would have known that and made better recommendations.

We also picked up our rings this week, and they are beautiful. Matt's is a little snug, and he's worried about it being too small in hot weather, but the rings are absolutely gorgeous, and we are really pleased with the jeweler, Ashton Christopher. The owner, Wayne, has been awesome and the rings were very reasonably priced. Can't wait to wear them.

Yesterday Allison moved out. It's strange to be in the apartment and not have to be quiet when I get up in the morning because I don't want to wake her. I can play music, or sing, or whatever... It's so strange! After Hippert, Matt, and I helped her get all of her things to her new place, Matt and I went shopping for a new washer and dryer. I had spent all week reviewing brands and models on Consumer Reports, and after visiting Barron's, Sears, and Best Buy, we wound up going with GE for our washer and dryer, and we bought them from Best Buy. The links I posted are in red. We got the white ones which were priced far less than the red ones, but the white ones weren't on their web site. I had originally thought I wanted the LG's, because they got the best scores in Consumer Reports, but the GE's had the second best score and every salesperson we talked to said that the GE ones are belt driven and easier to repair if something wears out. We wound up buying from Best Buy because their service plan was the same as Sears for half the cost, and while it was a LOT of money, we are pretty happy about our choice.

Last Sunday was Divine Mercy Sunday, and I've been meaning to post about that all week and just haven't had time. I sang for the Boston Catholic Women's conference this past Sunday, and while I was listening to one of the speakers, she said something which struck me: "If you are not willing to do the ridiculous, God cannot do the miraculous." That's what Divine Mercy is all about; saying "Jesus, I trust in You," and doing what would not make sense at all if God were not in it. It is very easy to simply say "Jesus, I trust in You." It another thing to act as if I actually do trust Him and am willing to turn my life over to Him.

I have been both successful and failed miserably at times in doing this, often about the same thing over and over again. When I decided on a complete career change which had nothing to do with my education and experience, I did it because I believed that God was guiding me to this. But I remember driving home from the shelter one night, before I gave my notice there. It might have been the same day I was offered the job, or maybe it was the day I interviewed. Either way, while I was driving, I was thinking about how they told me that if I didn't pass the licensing exam, I couldn't be employed by them. At the time, working for the shelter, I was barely making enough money to make ends meet and I was living in my parents' basement, but I understood my job and I did it well. Thinking about giving up the safe, secure job I had to take the chance on this thing that I really didn't know much about made my stomach turn and my heart race. I remember thinking "God, if this doesn't work out, then you'd better have a backup plan, because I will be totally screwed if I am out of a job."

I also remember last spring, when I was coming to terms with being in love with Matt. I had prayed for nearly 6 months for God to change my heart or to change the situation. I prayed that if it was not God's will that he take Matt out of the picture and help me to let that go. When Matt told me he wasn't going back to seminary after the Christmas break, I had that same stomach dropping, heart racing moment. I prayed to God that He protect me through whatever was going to happen with my relationship with Matt, because I didn't know how I would survive the heartbreak if it wasn't God's plan. But I tried very hard to trust that if it was heartbreak that God wanted me to go through, that He would save me and hold me up and show me that He loves me. Even when Matt told me he loved me, it was hard to trust and believe that this was something that he had thought through and I was so afraid then that he would tell me that he had gone to adoration or talked to his father or read a passage in the bible and realized that while he loves me, God was calling him to something else. So the whole beginning part of our relationship I was praying nearly constantly, "I know You know what You're doing... I know You love me... I know if I listen to You it will all work out for my good and Your glory..."

It is kind of ridiculous, our story. The difference in age, the way it came about, our lives leading up to it all seems both improbable and unsteady. All I know is that I am most secure when I think of spending the rest of my life with Matt as my partner, roommate, friend, lover, confidant, protector, the parent of our children, brother to my siblings and son to my mom and dad. My life has never been so full or free before. I am filled up with so much gratitude and I praise God, and I will remember these things when I am challenged to trust in the Lord.